I went to college with a whole bunch of meatheads and guidos. Jersey Shore was huuuuge – bigger than Ronnie huge – and it was considered cool to drive a bright yellow hummer, purchased with daddy’s wall street money, and to wear too-tight Ed Hardy shirts. I despised every moment of this blowout trend. But there was something charming about it, something endearing. It was like watching a lost puppy running around peeing on and humping everything.
There was one particular guy in college who made Rob Gronkowski look like a Rhodes Scholar. I think he spend every bit of his father’s allowance on protein powder, ripped jeans, and everclear. But damn if he couldn’t benchpress a lot and impress them college girls. The best part of it all? This guy reminds me of our very own Brad Marchand.
My analogy isn’t as far off as it may seem at first. For starters, college guy – we’ll call him Jimmy – was short; Marchand is short (for an athlete). Jimmy skipped class to go to the gym, and when he showed, he was hungover from drinking the night before; Brad has been known to get down and party. Everyone outside of Jimmy’s crew hated him and everything he stood for; Marchand certainly isn’t well liked. Jimmy pulled in girls by the dozen and could bench press a Ford Pinto; Marchy scores. And scores. And scores. When he’s all done scoring, he also nets some serious rubber.
If you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve STILL heard that Brad Marchand is scorching hot right now. Like, hotter than Hansel hot. 13 goals in 13 games hot. Quite literally, as I was typing the first version of this, Brad Marchand deked out a Winnipeg Jet and roofed a backhander for a goal.
Let’s watch how Marchand makes the magic happen. If you’re under 18, pregnant, or have a weak heart, please stop watching now. Or don’t, I’m not a doctor.
In chronological order, with my ranking in ()
Goal #1 – (7)
The game winner with under a minute against the Toronto Maple Leafs? Not a bad way to start a streak. But let’s be real, this was a terrible play by a bad team.
Goal #2 – (6)
While game winners against a bad team are nice, I think rubbing the salt in the wound against the Montreal Canadiens beats that out just a bit. I hate you so damn much, Montreal.
Goal #3 – (13)
Good screen out front by Connolly, but otherwise, this thing is softer than your mama’s bed. I never said my jokes were good.
Goal #4 – (11)
I mean, it’s a goal, so it’s nice, but all he had to do was tap the puck in. Solid passing by Bergeron and Eriksson really made the play here.
Goal #5 – (5)
I said a few words about this one already – but a great powerplay setup, and great chemistry between Chara and Marchand.
Goal #6 – (8)
Smart pass by Beleskey, and Marchand just had to clean up the garbage. Pigeon goal against a bad team would typically keeps this one low on the list, but I just can’t ignore that slap-pass, so it gets a big bump.
No, it wasn’t a great collection of goals. There’s some bit of art form to it, perhaps, but the same could be said about scoring any goal in the NHL. Then again, none of that matters. All that matters is that we’re witnessing a man-child score a plethora of goals in nearly consecutive games. We’re literally watching a man build ‘swagger’.
Let’s hope Part 2 gets a little more highlight worthy!
Bob's Breakdowns 